2015 Realizations

We've reach the end of the year again and usually I write my resolutions or things I look forward for the coming new year. But not this year. Honestly, I don't like 2015. This is a year of changes, of loss, of challenges, of doubt. It made me question life, what to believe, what to be. This is a hard year for me and so came the realizations. So let me sum all of it in some of my favorite quotes.

1.

This is the year my father died. You think we'll be okay by now but I still remember him all the time. Every tiny bit of memory I have with him can sometimes brings me to tears. :( Sabi ko nga sa ate ko, pag pala namatayan ka ng mahal sa buhay, hindi nauubos ang luha mo. And I miss him more now because New Year celebrations are one of his favorite occasions to celebrate.

2.

Yes I let my son watch TV. I let him play iPad. He throws tantrums and he doesn't want to go to school sometimes. I get mad at Riley sometimes. I am not the best mother and realizing that made me enjoy the journey more. I'm allowed to have mistakes and I don't care what other people say about my parenting style. I love my son and that is the most important thing!

3.

We all look for validation in our lives. And most of the time, we don't get it. It made me feel less of a person. It made me feel insignificant. But then I realize, I'm not competing with anyone. I don't care if people do not appreciate what I'm doing. I just want to do what I need to do without thinking what other people might say.

4.

I still meet people who upon learning that I'm a single mom makes me feel inferior. I don't take it personally but I turn away from those people. I turn away from all the negativity simple as that.

5.

Feeling Cinderella lang ako. Hehe. But honestly, this is what I TRY to live by everyday. To have courage. And be kind. And it's hard! It's hard to have courage. It's always a battle within me. It's hard to be different. It's hard to speak out my mind. I don't know why. And there is being kind. Being geniunely kind to different kind of people is easier said than done. It's hard to be nice all the time especially when that person doesn't know that word. But I'm trying, I'm trying. 

2015 has taught me all these. As I'm sure I'll learn more in 2016. But what I do know for sure is to just live one day at a time. To enjoy the moment while it last. To show love for the people who matters most. And most importantly, to have faith in God no matter what life brings. Have a Happy New Year everyone.