I am only on page 6 of this book but I am learning more than I bargained for when I bought this. It's that effective to me that my ways have mellow if not totally change. Being a single parent, I always feel the need to discipline Riley ALL.THE.TIME! I feel that one little mistake needs to be corrected immediately. Or it would result in bad habit and he'll grow up to be a bad person. Being the toddler that he is and the control freak that I am, sometimes I easily lashed it out on him. How can I make him understand that what I am doing is for his own good? That I just want to teach him the appropriate behavior. Before I got this book, I thought that hitting or slapping or shouting would make him
remember not to do awful things all the more. But the effects are opposite. Spanking and shouting are counterproductive. In fact, they teach children - how to shout; how to hit; how to be sneaky; how to fear; how to be ashamed; and how to take anger out on others. (p.4) It's difficult to justify the admonition "Don't hit!" while you're hitting your child for hitting. Hitting begets hitting - as well as anger, revenge, etc. (p.5)
I don't want my son to grow like that. I am changing my ways day by day. So when the stubborn playful Riley caught me in a foul temper, I psyched myself not to react instinctively. I pause and control myself. Or, I blurted out "Disciplining without shouting or spanking" and I will suddenly remember why I shouldn't hit him when he have done something unacceptable. I stop being a disciplinarian and I try (harder!) to respond gentler with him. It takes a lot of patience!
I still have 147 pages with this book but I think I already know what to do. I think I understand where my son is coming from. We don't want someone nagging at us all the time! Or someone who constantly controls everything. I want him to follow the rules because they are right and good and not out of fear. And in time, I hope he will grow up to be a good young boy. Isn't that what we all want for our children?
