New Zealand Journey

Dream

It has always been a dream of mine. Ever since my sister and her whole family migrated in New Zealand back in 2009, I always dreamed of visiting this country. But, it's not as easy as that. I believe that God prepared everything even before I decided to finally go here. Few months before the date of our trip, my sister and I were praying about this. She said if this is God's will, then nothing can ever stop this from happening. But I was restless. Yes I was praying, asking God if He really wants me to go here but I was also so worried about the little details. What if the school that I work for won't let me take a leave? What if we got denied with our visa? What if my savings aren't enough to cover the airfare, etc. etc. And then when I finally decided to STOP worrying and trust God, that's when He begins to reveal His plan for me. I remember it was a Saturday, I was reading a devotional book Better Than Jewels. I came upon a line that says, "God words confirms" and how God promise never falter. I took that as a confirmation of my heart's desire so I tell my ate that I finally had a go signal from God. :)

Picking the Date
You think by now, it would be easier to pick a date, but NO. When you're a Christian everything you decide will not be based on your own choice, but it will be God's decision. Even if it's as insignificant as the date. So again my ate and I prayed for it. Then one night, while having a facetime videocall, my ate said that this is what the Bible tell her:

It says, the first day of the tenth month. This date happens to be October 1 and crazily enough that's my birthday! So it's definite, I'm having my 36th birthday in New Zealand! :) But I also learned that CCF New Zealand was about to have their 5th Anniversary on September 24 and Pastor Bong Saquing will be a guest pastor. I wanted to witness that because we attend CCF in the Philippines and I believe it is no coincidence that it falls on that day and so after praying about it, God has impresses on me the date September 21. So finally we have a date and now we need to prepare!

Preparation
This is where my patience was tested. Yes, this is God's plan for me but I need to do my part. First I need to complete all the requirements to take a vacation leave. Then fill out all the forms needed to apply for a visa. Then buy tickets and finally prepare not just physically but also emotionally to this trip. If only it's as easy as it sounds! Let's talk about my vacation leave first. I'm a teacher and I'm aware that school year is not yet over and I have classes to attend to. I needed the approval of our principal, school heads, and supervisor. I was grateful that these people understands and approved my leave right on. After I passed my forms on our HR Department, that's when an obstacle occurred. Imagine, I was waiting for about two weeks (because it is needed to be forwarded in the regional office) to know if my leave is approved or not, only to find out that my files were all missing! The HR people could not locate my forms. GONE. It was all gone. I nearly cried. And I was devastated because it was three weeks before my planned date which is September 21. I need at least a month because I need to forward that approval paper at the immigration for my visa. And our HR was telling me if I can pass AGAIN all the forms (meaning I have to talk again to our principal, school heads, and supervisor). I wanted to be furious at the negligence. But I remain calm, then I told my sister that maybe this is God's way of telling me not to pursue this anymore. I doubted God's affirmation because I encounter difficulty. I almost quit. But my ate, whose life has been orchestrated by God, told me not to quit. She told me that God permits that to happen because God wants me to trust Him completely. She said that we can always do our part but in the end if it's really God's will, then my papers will be approved even if we're late in passing the forms.

Yup, again God was affirming me and can you guess what is the message on CCF on that Sunday? It was about quiting or QUIT-ITIS. Hehe. God has ingenious way of talking to us. But we must have a receptive heart so as not to miss what He wants to tell us. :) So anyway, to make the story short, I didn't quit and I passed again my forms and after two days, my leave was approved. Then I read it will take 20 days to know if our visitor visa will be approved or denied, but the process only took us three days and we were granted multiple entry visa! :)

New Zealand
And now were here in New Zealand! It is not by chance that we are here. God wants me to be here! This trip maybe many years in the making but I believe that God's perfect timing is what leads us this year, 2017, to finally take the plunge and have the courage. This journey has humbled me in so many ways and it taught me that I can make a lot of plans in life, but if it is not aligned with what God plans for us, then it's pointless. And knowing God, I am 100% sure He is devising a grand masterplan for all of us. So why worry?

PS.

Who have thought a trip to other country could make me contemplate about life and faith? :D

2015 Realizations

We've reach the end of the year again and usually I write my resolutions or things I look forward for the coming new year. But not this year. Honestly, I don't like 2015. This is a year of changes, of loss, of challenges, of doubt. It made me question life, what to believe, what to be. This is a hard year for me and so came the realizations. So let me sum all of it in some of my favorite quotes.

1.

This is the year my father died. You think we'll be okay by now but I still remember him all the time. Every tiny bit of memory I have with him can sometimes brings me to tears. :( Sabi ko nga sa ate ko, pag pala namatayan ka ng mahal sa buhay, hindi nauubos ang luha mo. And I miss him more now because New Year celebrations are one of his favorite occasions to celebrate.

2.

Yes I let my son watch TV. I let him play iPad. He throws tantrums and he doesn't want to go to school sometimes. I get mad at Riley sometimes. I am not the best mother and realizing that made me enjoy the journey more. I'm allowed to have mistakes and I don't care what other people say about my parenting style. I love my son and that is the most important thing!

3.

We all look for validation in our lives. And most of the time, we don't get it. It made me feel less of a person. It made me feel insignificant. But then I realize, I'm not competing with anyone. I don't care if people do not appreciate what I'm doing. I just want to do what I need to do without thinking what other people might say.

4.

I still meet people who upon learning that I'm a single mom makes me feel inferior. I don't take it personally but I turn away from those people. I turn away from all the negativity simple as that.

5.

Feeling Cinderella lang ako. Hehe. But honestly, this is what I TRY to live by everyday. To have courage. And be kind. And it's hard! It's hard to have courage. It's always a battle within me. It's hard to be different. It's hard to speak out my mind. I don't know why. And there is being kind. Being geniunely kind to different kind of people is easier said than done. It's hard to be nice all the time especially when that person doesn't know that word. But I'm trying, I'm trying. 

2015 has taught me all these. As I'm sure I'll learn more in 2016. But what I do know for sure is to just live one day at a time. To enjoy the moment while it last. To show love for the people who matters most. And most importantly, to have faith in God no matter what life brings. Have a Happy New Year everyone.

On Being Angry

(Random Post muna...)

When I open my FB account today, the first thing I read was this word "T*ngna, blah blah blah." For me, it's just not right. Don't get me wrong. I respect that person's post. I'm pro expression of emotions. Why do you think I have two blogs? I write here everything I feel, my opinions, and once in a while my emotions. And I am not a hypocrite to say I don't get angry! In fact, I used to be very very very angry to the world. I used to blame everyone but myself in my failures. I used to question God's interference in my life. I USED to be that kind of person. Then I came across this quote:

"He who angers you, conquers you."

I don't want to be conquered by people, things, trials, problems that angered me. I am mightier than any of them. I learn to let go of petty angst that can overpower my whole being. And you know what? I've never been happier and contented with my life.

I am not saying don't get angry! But please choose your battle. Choose what anger would conquer you. Me? I am angry at those who take the lives of others because they think they are God! I am mad at corrupt officials! I am enraged to child molesters! I am furious with all the rapist and snatchers and holdapers and gangs and riding-in-tandems! And I hate ebola virus!

And yeah, just so you know, I don't like profanity too especially when we know FB is not for adult only these days. Not cool. So next time, you got angry, just CHILL!!!

The Difference a Day Can Make

Yesterday, I was anxious, too excited to eat, restless, worried, praying for a safe flight, sleepless, dying of anticipation, wanting the time to fly fast.

who's that pretty woman walking down the street?

Today, I can breathe a sigh of relief, at peace, can sleep soundly, thankful. 

Well, that's our one and only mother!

Yesterday, I was happy. But today, I am SUPER happy! What a huge difference a day can make! This day ends all the days of waiting. Shes finally home!

Busy Days

The past weeks have been busy days for me. Last week was my tutors Summative Test. My weekends have been occupied by configuring a software for my brother's Photobooth business. Then yesterday, I've been busy with an order in my online shoppe. To top it all, I have my son who needs constant attention. Finally, I can spare some hours in my precious blog and just shove the stress a little. And I have to do this fast because my son may wake up any minute!

Well, busy days are not quite over for me. I am now preparing for my son's 2nd birthday in September. I have less than two months to plan and work things out. With my busy schedules, I have to do it little by little. Like designing the invitation now and planning the menu, buying decorations next week, things like that. I already have a theme: game shows! He loves watching game shows and entertaining his friends ALL the time in our home. He is most happy when he's with friends, so instead of throwing a big party I decided a simple celebrations (with no force civility on his part) would make him happier. Practical but fun - that's what I am brewing up for his birthday.

Maybe after my son's birthday, busy days would be finally over...I hope so!

Rest in Peace

I just read the news. Dolphy, Philippines' King of Comedy, died at the age of 83. Messages from Facebook and Twitter are pouring and reading them makes me sad too. For the past days, we have been informed of the health condition of Sir Dolphy. We have been hopeful that he will pass this illness and recover totally and we will see him again making jokes and making people happy. But that's life. That's how God wants to take back the life He has bestowed on us. Finally, Sir Dolphy would be free of all the pain and he is now peaceful in the arms of Our Creator.

We're all gonna die. That's a fact. When people close to our hearts die, we feel devastated. I remember when my Lola Paning died, when I saw her in a coffin, tears just fell from my face. She is  my favorite lola and the ones I grew up with since my mom's mother died early. My fondest memory of my Lola Paning is when we sleep over in their house. She would gently combed my hair by her hand until I drifted off to sleep. When I do that "combing of hair" to my son now, I always think of my lola. I wish she could have met my son.

When my Ninang Gay died 2010, I was shattered too. She is like a second mother to me. She looks after us, she cheers us up, she never ran out of things to say. We all love her! Her death caught us all in a surprise because, she went to the doctor for a check-up and the next thing we know she is confined and in a critical condition. Then the news that shocked us all. :( It's been 2 years since she died but when I hang around in their house, I still miss her presence. If she had live long enough to meet my son, I know my son would love her too.

Death is inevitable. I know we always hear this, but we SHOULD really show our love to people we care about before they are gone forever. Don't wait too long. Because we never know if our time is up. Life is short. Live it well!